Defining

Today I am going to commence by defining myself. Putting all the cards face up— even though, in this way, it ends giving an advantage to my detractors- While my origin is unknown to me… somehow I know about life, even though, I have not yet lived it; I don’t know much about love… because love has forgotten about me..

I am an Alebrije, an exiled that revolts against all idiosyncrasies and the substantial hypocrisy of daily life. Perhaps my ego seizes me today and my self-esteem will increases by a couple of notches…

Life is how life is and it is not necessary to be, as others want us to be, in order to be accepted. I had my share of problems in that respect in that some believe me to be, or that I am, as they think me to be- but I am still the girl who likes the orange color and to be sociable.

All we are different. Blessed diversity!

But I am rare, crazy, atypical, complicated, and incoherent.

God! How much beauty!

Emotionally balanced, independent within my circumstances and enhancing surroundings with personal relationships of quality that are most gratifying.

In recent days, weeks, or even a month…one or another day, I have felt the emptiness of feelings and days without me. It is not easy to do so little in as much time; maybe I ought to keep the hours in check, instead of worrying about the days.


The positive of that time, is that I realized that there are always springs and then, somebody told me today, that we are in winter. How illusive of me… I always thought that flowers would readily bloom with my very smiles?


I am a disaster, at all levels, that can be imagined. My virtues shine by their absence, so we’ll skip them and focus in the things by which I am most hated and surely will prevent continued reading.

My narcissist tendency makes forget the rest of the world, only to fix myself to my “perfection”. Imperfect before others but at least, I tolerate myself well enough.

Age? Two thousand years and counting

Although, according to how things occurs, it is different, if you ask me about the happy birthdays then the cipher shorter some 12

And worse still, if we speak of experiences ... Indefinite;

Those that I have not felt dead while still alive 18

As it is, I am still young, sufficiently to live as I do.

Lonely? Enough but I have become accustomed to it and to a certain point, I like it.

How many friendly do I have? Which is the best?

Jàaaaaaa

It can be said that I have some disorder… more than bipolar, tri-polar or tetra polar… each person within my surroundings knows me in different ways, there are those that say I am happy, extroverted, controlled and to others, I am perfect and the majority think of me as crazy… only when alone, am I nostalgic, depressive, sensible and impulsive.

The problem is. that I don’t know which, if any, of the many, I truly am. And if there is someone I fear…it is me- because to fear the unknown is very human. Its discovery has been a risky journey, because in that field, I simply don’t define limits. I have long been toying by myself, with my “limits” and those of my sanity. I have had a worse epoch, from which there are still left attempts to remember, one or another letter and some marks and scars.

As far as sensitivity, the slightest and insignificant word, or simple episode at a bad moment (almost all) will be making the rounds in my mind for a long time and sometimes, it has been those insignificancies that have catapulted me to “express myself” and to “rebel” against that repression.

As far as nostalgic… I will say that memories do not easily go away from my mind and that once there, they torture me until breaking all of my schemes and making me feel unwell, very unwell.
Of my impulses, I must warn whoever is reading this… to be careful about it. I do not mean that I am aggressive, in fact I am slightly or nonaggressive at all (I think)….when I say that I am impulsive, I mean about the way in which I act; almost everything in my life has almost been out of impulses, including the majority of the most relevant facts of that has touched it ...this is what is.

In summary: These things could, can or will be able to kill me.

I am a too obstinate a person and not easy change my ways, once an idea gets in my head, is not easy to remove it. In conclusion one or another day I will be writing on ways that defines me, of what I have been or am, the moments I have been through and the places I have been.

Because now my only it desires is to close my eyes and to seat by the seashore and to feel the salty breeze and the whisper of the waves. Today I only desire to remember the smile that I saw so many times before in recent months, while going to sleep, the sound of his voice ... today I want that smile and those long conversations which we had and that maintained me afloat; it was very curious, with each pronounced word, he thought that I could decipher him, understand him, accept him and understand myself.


I was never able to understand him, nor did he ever know how important he is to me but, still continues amplifying with green hues and without much sense.

He is like the salt, that corrodes metals being who he, I am like the sailboat that goes where the wind dictates. He is the sea where I never could sail.

Capricious, ambiguous, I sail confused in a reality that hurts and opaque’s all lucidity, I beg that the illusions be perfect and I can eclipse into forgetfulness, because my love is love, love that disturbs where the deficiency of the being reigns.